Fine. I'll sleep in my office
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
