Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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