chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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