found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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