at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
