I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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