Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
