I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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