I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
