I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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