Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
