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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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