Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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