Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
