is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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