This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
