Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
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