I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I believe in your delicious
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
