Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
