Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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