I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
In other news, I just burned my penis
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
