Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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