i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
