I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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