I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
