Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
