i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
