The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
