Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
