Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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