I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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