But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
