don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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