Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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