Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
