the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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