I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You need a sexual gate keeper
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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