I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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