I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
