I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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