She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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