There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
