literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
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