it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Randomize
