who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
