The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
