the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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