Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
