I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
