I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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