Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
