i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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