Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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