when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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