When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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