It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
